Recognise your differences and complement each other in those areas of weakness. What you really want to focus on are the areas in which you have agreement or in which you will create agreement - investments, purchasing of capital goods, standard of living. These are the kind of money "issues" you want to discuss. And I promise you'll have more fun for a long time to come.

Shared Banking Accounts - should we or shouldn't we?

This always seems to be such a major obstacle for young couples. If you close your individual accounts and get a shared account, there`s no turning back - you'll have to go through with the whole wedding and the happily-ever-after thing! Honestly now - the only reason to have separate accounts is to hide your spending habits from each other and that can only lead to big problems.

In fact, a marriage should be just the opposite, you want to throw yourself wholeheartedly into knowing each other`s habits. If you know how you're spending, you will know how you`re saving... or not saving!! Remember, your goal is to plan your future together and you can only accomplish this if you both have equal access to the information about your joint income.

When do you start sharing? Now the first real question is not "should we?" but, "when?". Should you wait until after the wedding, or when the date has been set or when the invitations have gone out? Everyone has a different opinion about this. Mine is to open a shared account when you start to have "joint" expenses.

Especially if you are paying for the wedding yourselves, put money into a separate account when you start to incur those expenses. If you still want to hold on to your individual accounts at this point, that's OK too.

The trick is to start to think like a couple and make payments together on items that you are incurring as one. You will eventually need to decide whether to give up those individual accounts and I think the day you say "I Do" is as good a day as any. The current policy of banks in South Africa, is that "joint accounts" can no longer be issued.

However, an account with either your husband's name or your own can become a "shared" account, in which the other party is awarded power of attorney.

How much do each of you contribute?

Now that you've decided on a shared account, the second question is on what basis do you determine how much each will contribute into the account?

There are many ways to approach this. Whichever way you go, you should both feel that you contribute equally. The simplest way is for both of you to contribute equitable amounts - that's fine if you both make the same amount of money, carry the same amount of personal debt and have equal access to capital - unfortunately, in many instances, that is not always the case so remember, "equitable" doesn't always mean "equal".

If you don't make the same amount of money but you still want to base your contributions solely on salaries, split it on a proportioned basis. If he makes twice as much as you, he contributes twice as much as you into the shared account. If you make three times more than he does, but your student loan repayments reduces your net salary to only 10% more than his, then you contribute 10% more into the shared account.

Obviously, you will have to determine the approach that works best for you. This will probably be one of the first `money` decisions you make together.

How can I buy him/her a really expensive gift, when he/she will know how much I've spent?

Remember that just because your partner knows how much you spent doesn't take anything away from the gift.

What about credit cards with gifts you bought years ago for old flames - should the shared account pay those off?

Credit card debt, student loans and car payments are some of the debts that either or both of you carry with you when you get married. It may not be comfortable, but unfortunately when you get married you inherit all of each other's debts. The reality of the situation is you sleep in the same bed, you use the same bathroom, your clothes are washed together and your toothbrushes hang together - face it, you are going to contribute to paying off each other's debts.

You may think there are more reasons against having a shared account than for one, but the main reason usually means giving up some of your identity. Most men expect their wives to give up her maiden name and take theirs, you both will have to give up some individuality for the good of the common goal which is to pool your resources and start to make your money work for you.